Long Suffering: A Fruit of the Spirit
Where do I begin? Somehow, life made me an “expert” at navigating prolonged seasons of heartbreak. So fun, right? However, I suspect we all know a little about grief, long seasons of “silence” from God, seemingly unanswered prayers or just prolonged suffering.
Originally written for a women’s event at my church, I am going to share a little version of what the Lord put on my heart to share about long suffering. After all, 2 Corinthians 1:4 says, “He comforts us every time we have trouble so that when others have trouble, we can comfort them with the same comfort God gives us.” This verse was highlighted to me many years ago in one of the worst and longest seasons of suffering I have experienced, and boy, how it has rang true. The Lord will bring people into your life so you can share the testimony of the good He has done and walk along side them in their pain. I love that verse because it is a reminder that He will bring earthly purpose to our pain.
I hope this meets you tenderly, gently and with so so much grace.
A Little Snippet of My Story
A little snippet of my story- I have been in seasons of life that have been filled with a lot of darkness. A lot of relational brokenness. A lot of desperate, honest prayers full of wrestling with the Lord. Seasons of loneliness, uncertainty, fear and heart break. In my 32+ years, I’ve faced pain in family relationships with no immediate answers. I’ve endured long seasons of struggle in my marriage, experiencing some of the hardest trials a marriage can go through—and by only the grace of God, I’ve made it through. I have navigated life as a first-time mom with a newborn—not by my hand, but in my lap—heartbroken and alone. I’ve walked through financial despair, have experienced uncertain housing situations and even recently, job loss in my family. I’ve also carried the deep ache of loving someone struggling with a hurtful addiction—wanting so desperately for their healing, yet having no control over their choices or timeline.
All of these seasons have been long—some longer than others—each has carried that unique kind of extended suffering with no clear answers. The kind of long-suffering that requires a patience and endurance only possible through the help of the Helper, the Holy Spirit.
What I am so grateful for, is how the Lord has so clearly used all of these horrible things, truly for his good. How He has used them to refine me and add a depth to my relationship with Him that, sadly, wouldn’t be there if I didn’t walk through these things. And he continues to undo me and teach me trust on repeat, time and time again. The spiritual gift, yes I did say gift, of long suffering has equipped me to walk with him. At times to lean on him so desperately, but so wholly, that he has changed me for forever.
OUR FOCUS VERSE OF TODAY IS THIS: What you used to harm me, God meant for good and for the saving of many lives (Genesis 50:20)
Maybe today you’re in a season of long suffering. A long, confusing health journey. Your dreams being ripped away. Marriage struggles, someone you love struggling with addiction, a particularly hard season of parenting. Relational struggles with family or friends. Maybe an unanswered season of job loss, career confusion or financial hardship. Or maybe you are in a season when you are walking a long hard journey with someone in this long suffering kind of pain. Or even walking with someone through a long journey of finding the Lord. These are all real world examples of what long suffering can look like. If you relate to any of these, I hope this tenderly confronts your heart.
Today we are going to talk about:
- What Scripture says about it
- A little about my story
- How to walk through it “well”
- How to support someone in a season of long suffering
So Let’s Define “Long Suffering”
The bible references long suffering a lot. An important spot I want to talk about is in Galatians 5, the fruits of the spirit. The fruits of the Spirit are listed in Galatians 5:22 as “…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness…”. Depending on the translation you use, some interchange “patience” with forbearance or long suffering.
The Greek word used for “patience” (or in many translations, “longsuffering”) in Galatians 5:22 is makrothymia (μακροθυμία). It is a compound word derived from makros (“long”) and thymos (“temper” or “passion”), literally meaning “long-tempered”. This term refers to endurance, steadfastness, and the ability to hold one’s temper or endure difficult circumstances or people, without giving up. It is not passive, but active trust in God over time.
A Little More on Galatians 5
When I was younger, I used to think the fruit of the Spirit were more like a personality test. We each got to pick one we were good at, or maybe God picked for us, but we each received the natural gift to be amazing at one or two of them.
Spoiler, I was super wrong.
The fruit of the Spirit, is the Holy Spirit living in us, and when we have the Spirit in us, the fruit in our lives are these things. Kindness, gentleness, love, joy, long suffering… and these things are all pieces that describe the actual Character of God.
Long suffering is a fruit of the Spirit, when we walk in the Spirit, we are gifted the ability to endure well. We don’t pick it from a list and we can’t manufacture it- God produces it in us. When the Holy Spirit is in us, the very character of God is living in us. This fruit, like the ability to endure long suffering, is evidence to ourselves and also non believers that Christ lives in us.
So it’s kind of a big deal. And you may be wondering how do we have the Holy Spirit in us? It’s the ongoing process of obeying God, loving Him, following him and SPENDING TIME WITH HIM. It is then that we can walk in the Spirit and His fruit is produced IN us. And when we fall short, which we will as humans, we repent and ask the Spirit for help. We accept God’s beautiful and sacrificially loving offer of wild grace.
Now, What Does The Bible Say About Suffering
I’m going to keep this short. The bible says A LOT suffering and long suffering- there is so much there. For the readability of this blog post, I’m going to narrow it down a bit.
Stories From The Old Testament
Joseph: Joseph lost his mother at a young age, was betrayed by his family and spent 15 years in imprisonment for something he didn’t do. The Lord used Joseph’s story to redeem his people AND Joseph personally. God even brought earthly reconciliation to his family. God’s plan was infinitely more creative than Joseph or anyone could have planned out on his own. God could have used any means to accomplish His good, but His plan included saving and restoring Joseph after his years of faithful long suffering. God uses suffering to accomplish His good, Genesis 50:20 “What you used to harm me, God meant for good and for the saving of many lives.”
Job: Job suffered endlessly. His riches, his home, his health and even his family were allowed to be taken away. Job isn’t a feel good story, it is a story with seemingly pointless suffering. Full of deep grief, suffering and confusion. God ultimately restored and strengthened Job, but more so, Job wrestled with the Lord and was left with a deeper understanding of God.
Israelites: In their journey to the promised land, God used their long wandering to teach dependence on Him and form their identity as His people.
Ruth: Her husband died and out of faith and obedience she followed her mother in law and a God she culturally had little understanding of. Ruth journeyed, experienced the pain of a lost spouse, she mourned and supported her MIL and worked hard for them to survive. Through Ruth he restored her, blessed her and provided for her and even healed her mother in law’s bitterness.
Paul: Paul was imprisoned many times. Persecuted. 2 Corinthians 12:7 even talks about his persistent affliction he faced, referred to as his “thorn.” Even just his letters have a theme of long suffering for the faith. Paul is a great example of earthly suffering AND suffering to push forward the gospel. The bible actually talks about this type of long suffering a lot. Long suffering is mentioned in multiple spots, referring to long temperdness and endurance in our relationships with others and walking out the call to other focused faith. Paul’s practice of long suffering ultimately advanced the spread of the gospel and was an example of endurance for the faith to others.
Jesus: The ultimate example of long suffering- Jesus. Who died an innocent man and suffered greatly to restore relationship with us, the broken, because he loves us. Jesus experienced betrayal, being misunderstood (anyone else HATE when people don’t understand their heart? Imagine how Jesus must have felt), and true physical suffering. From this God redeemed us, restored us, established relationship with us and defeated sin and death.
What the New Testament Has to Say About Suffering (Just to Name a Few)
OUR ABILITY TO ENDURE LONG SUFFERING COMES THROUGH HIM
Galatians 5:22-23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
GOD WANTS US TO SUFFER ALONGSIDE OTHERS
Ephesians 4:1–2 “Walk worthy… with all humility and gentleness, with patience (long-suffering), bearing with one another in love.” Long-suffering isn’t only about enduring circumstances —it’s also about enduring with people.
HE USES LONG SUFFERING TO REFINE US AND BRING US CLOSER TO HIS HEART. IN A WAY WE WOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN TO WITHOUT THE PAIN.
1 Peter 1: 6–7 “In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”
TO GIVE US A TESTIMONY OF RESTORATION. BOTH PRESENTLY AND ETERNALLY. This one is a harder one to swallow.
1 Peter 5:10 “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” I have dug into this one a lot.
From what I can tell, and have referenced with theologian John Piper “a little while” can mean “a little while” or it can refer to our time on this earth.
GOD HIMSELF IS LONG SUFFERING WITH US.
2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow… but is patient (long-suffering) toward you.”
Long-suffering in Scripture is the Spirit-given ability to endure hardship, wait on God, and remain faithful even when there are no immediate answers. It is also, when walked through well, brings us to a place of refinement. Complete dependence and a raw trust in God- likely in a way we couldn’t have gotten to if we didn’t walk through a suffering season. Suffering is awful, but it does strip away pride and other things that deter us from falling on our knees and leaning fully on God and nothing else.
Some Truth About Seasons of Long Suffering
Our circumstances and stories differ, but the assignment is the same. These seasons of long suffering are made to lead us to increase our trust in God. The real kind of trust that isn’t built through what is easy, the kind that comes from leaning on Him when there feels like there is nothing left. Use this season to be refined, like in Use this terrible season to be refined like in 1 Peter 1:6–7 or Isaiah 48:10. Isaiah 48:10 says, “Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction” God uses suffering not to destroy, but to refine and purify, removing sin to bring His people closer to Him.
Another thing to keep in mind, as believers, we are being watched. Not in a performance based way or a way that involves pride, but in a real, this is how unbelievers see the power of God in the most real way they can.
And Please Keep In Mind- Seasons of Long Suffering Are Not Abandonment
Seasons of silence or unanswered prayer, like any of the Old Testament figures above experienced, are deeply painful. Joseph’s 15 years in slavery, Paul’s imprisonments and his own afflictions, the Israelites wandering, Job’s season of devastating loss, Ruth’s story… but God ALWAYS show’s up. And He always shows up at just the right time, even if we don’t understand his timing in the moment OR ever on this earth. We are REFINED in the silence and God NEVER wastes our suffering.
A Few Verses To Anchor Into During a Season of Long Suffering
- Genesis 50:20 “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”
- Romans 12:12 “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation (trials), be constant in prayer.”
- Psalm 126:5 “Those who sow in tears will reap with shouts of joy.”
- Psalm 34:18 “the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
- Psalm 27:13-14 “I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” Psalm 27:13-14
Something To Keep In Mind
His silence is not His absence- The Lord’s plan is ALWAYS better than our plan. And infinitely more creative. We try to give God plan A, B C and D, but he has the best, most creative plans all the way through Z and beyond. His solutions are almost never a solution we spent days and hours cooking up in our own, very human minds. And his plan is ALWAYS BETTER.
Isaiah 55:8-9 says:
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
What To Do Practically in a Season of Long Suffering
1. Take every thought captive
- Our mind is the battlefield. Romans 12:2
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
- When feelings say “God is far,” return to what is true. “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” Psalm 34:18
- Replace lies with truth. A practical application here is using Journaling – Write down the fears, the lies in your head, the worries. And ask what God has to say about it. Or I personally like to write letters to God. It sounds silly but these letters are my most desperate prayers and His truth ALWAYS meets me in these moments of brokenness, intentionality and honesty.
- Battle worry, Matthew 6 talks about how tomorrow will worry about itself. This radical kind of living sets us apart as believers and it is NOT easy. But constantly stopping worry in its tracks and taking these thoughts captive, making the OBEY GOD- this practice won’t look perfect but it will allow the PEACE of the Lord (another fruit of the Spirit living in us) start to take hold in our anxious hearts.
2. Pray honestly
- Not polished prayers. David in the Psalms is littered with honest prayer. This shows us that we have permission to be honest with the Lord and bring our feelings. The ugliness and all, we get to bring that to Him.
- In seasons of long suffering Prayer becomes survival. Turning to prayer to process pain is taking what the devil meant for evil and immediately taking it to the Lord, the one who knows us, sees us, loves us and understands us. It already is turning a bruised heart in the direction of the only one who can actually walk it though healing.
3. Take notes in the waiting
- Write down what God is doing. I keep a note on my phone with everything. Small glimpses of God in the mess. Verses or encouragement from friends. Screenshots from instagram or from messages from friends. This note will provide hope today and testimony tomorrow.
- Later you will see what you couldn’t see in real time.
- Creates a record of His faithfulness.
4. Stay in community
- Do not isolate.
- Let yourself be known. WE ARE NOT CREATED TO DO LIFE ALONE. WE ARE CREATED TO LET OURSELVES BE KNOWN, NOT JUST PRESENT.
- When you are ready- Proverbs talks about wise counsel, having many advisers. And sort out who is safe. Safe isn’t someone who is fired up, it is someone who points to God consistently.
- Being known is biblical, not burdensome. It is one of the biggest joys of my life, years into healing to be known and to get to listen and be a safe spot for others to share the rawness and pain this life brings. We are called to live this way.
5. Be in the Word
- Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. PSALM 119:105
- Let the word be what you lay down to and wake up to. It is our guard. Ephesians 6. We are in a battle in the spiritual realm in these seasons of longsuffering. The darkness is active and “on the prowl”- we can be secure and prepared to continually take our thoughts to the Lord and plant our minds in TRUTH.
- Let the Word radically transform you. It doesn’t change your immediate circumstances but it does provide comfort, strength, a place to take refuge.
- Let it be a season of life that deeply changes you and how you read the Word and rely on the Lord. Wake up an read. Read as the last thing you do before sleep. Heck, even listen to scripture lullabies. Using a season of long suffering to pour into the word and let the LORD meet you in it, is probably the most needle moving, valuable thing you can do. Create an utter dependence on the word of the Lord.
6. Memorize Scripture
- In the gospel of Matthew, Jesus frequently battles the devil by quoting Old Testament scripture, and we already know who has defeated darkness and death. If Jesus is our ultimate example, we can follow him in this battle method. We can also use his word, memorized in our hearts, to transform our minds. Circling back to taking every thought captive, we can do this by memorizing scripture.
- This one took me a while to get to. I have been through three really solid restart seasons of deep pain and long suffering. In the first time this happened in my life, I discovered the POWER of God’s word. The second season, a true, fully submitted dependence on the Lord. His word, his presence and his guidance. This was life changing in every single way. This last time, is a season I am wrestling through right now, The Lord has put his word in my heart and mind. And how transformative and beautiful this phase of sanctification has been. Because the hard work has gone in before me, scripture memorization has begun to transform every area in my life.
7. Remember the Spirit equips you
- Long-suffering is a fruit of the Spirit.
- If you are walking with Him, He will supply what you need.
- We endure by His power
Supporting Someone in a Season of Long-Suffering
1. Suffer alongside them (Ephesians 4 talks about bearing with one another through these things)
Some practical tips:
- Provide Presence over solutions.
- Don’t rush them out of grief.
- Sit with them.
- “A good friend goes toward suffering. Makes time.”
Questions to ask/ Things to Say (ref Jen Oshman):
- “What does your grief feel like today?”
- “What kept you up last night?”
- You are not forgotten.
Be curious.
- “Tell me more about that.”
- “What does that mean to you?”
And when the Spirit leads, sometimes- “Would you like me to share God’s perspective on this?”
2. Remind them of TRUTH in gentleness
- Not “everything happens for a reason” quickly. Remind them of who God is. His character.
- Speak Scripture with tenderness.
3. Encourage without minimizing
- Acknowledge pain is real. Hope is also real. Both can exist together.
- Scripture, pray out loud or in text over them. We don’t have to have the right words or the answers- leave room to let God lead. Don’t try and fill a spot that belongs to God.
4. Help them stay connected
- Invite them in. There’s probably nothing worse than backing off in the name of giving space.
- Check in consistently.
- Carry faith for them when theirs feels weak.
5. Pray for them and with them
- When they don’t have words. Romans 8:26 (NIV): “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans”. It highlights that when believers are overwhelmed or unable to find words, the Holy Spirit communicates with God on their behalf.
- When they are tired.
- When God feels silent.
6. Practice loving in action
- We are the hands and feet of Jesus. Love in scripture, prayer and time… but also in practicality.
- Ideas: Can you practically help them? Jobs, financial generosity. Bring them a meal or a treat whether they “need it” or not. Send them a coffee. Carve out time to be with them- make them a time priority. Tangible love changes people and heals hurt hearts. I have seen and learned and felt the goodness of God in this broken world through the tangible love of those who show up.
- People ALWAYS notice those who show up.
ENCOURAGEMENT- Galations 6:9 says, “ Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” The Holy Spirit IN US gives us the ability to endure long suffering for the sake of others. He will give us enough to endure and run the race, to encourage others well and over long periods of time.
The Worst Season of My Life
Let’s talk for a minute about the hardest season of my life.
I have walked through seasons of long suffering many times and in may ways. In some ways, it’s a byproduct of being in this broken world. In other ways, I suspect the Lord knew me and knew I had to walk through some major brokenness to truly know Him and have my heart deeply transformed. Some of us just can’t learn things the easy way, am I right?
Of all these seasons of long suffering, there is a clear “worst.”
Leading up to the birth of my first baby, I was in a year-long fight for my marriage. It was exhausting. It felt one-sided. Most of my fighting wasn’t loud or dramatic — it was in the spiritual realm. It was desperate. Honest. Raw. I truly didn’t think things could get worse… but they did.
Two weeks after having my baby girl, I found myself completely alone — confused and heartbroken, holding a newborn in my arms.
My days were filled with crying and praying. Desperate prayers for help. God felt silent, especially after what I thought had been a year of faithfully submitting myself to Him. My nights were worse — distress, nightmares, intrusive thoughts. It was heavy.
But I clung to the Word. I read Scripture when I woke up and before I went to sleep. Guarding my mind. I would fall asleep listening to scripture lullabies. The word of the Lord helped guard me from the nightmares in this season and helped me sleep.
Making room for the Holy Spirit to meet me. I wrote letters to the Lord — pouring the pain onto paper and meeting Him in honest prayer. This increased my dependency and intimacy with the Lord.
I walked. Constantly. Prayer walks became a rhythm. Sometimes I listened to worship. Sometimes I tried to be still and practice hearing His voice. More than anything, I prayed for His will — not mine. And in those circumstances, that was a heartbreaking surrender. It meant giving up control when control was the one thing I wanted to hold onto.
The repeated phrase in my heart was “even if you don’t Lord, you are still good.”
In that season, I let myself be fully known at church. That was new for me. Vulnerability had always been one of my greatest fears. But I believe the Lord softened my heart as I spent time with Him. He made space for me to step into the light instead of hiding.
I also surrounded myself with wise, godly counsel. Friends who loved the Lord and whose lives bore real fruit. They didn’t just give me opinions. They listened. They comforted. And they consistently pointed me back to the Word.
I also received Godly counsel and encouraged growth through truly solid, biblical counselors. I am so grateful for this practical help.
All of those things carried me through what felt like a prolonged season of suffering with no end in sight. I could have handled my pain differently. I could have numbed out. I could have convinced myself that God didn’t love me. I could have grown bitter.
But the Lord.
What the enemy intended for evil, God turned for good. He brought restoration to my marriage — against all odds. But even more than that, He refined me. He deepened my faith. By His grace, the Holy Spirit had an open door to my heart, and He taught me how to walk through long suffering in a way that brought Him glory.
Seasons like that change you at the core. When you let God into the deepest places of your pain — when you let the nature of who He is meet you there — you are never the same.
And I thank God that I won’t ever be. I hated what I walked through, but I love how the Lord used it to shape and sanctify me. God doesn’t waste suffering.
He refines through it.
In Closing
1 Peter 5:10–11
“After you have suffered a little while (“a little while” being life) He Himself will restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”
Encouragement:
- If you are in long-suffering: God is not absent.
- If you are walking with someone: your presence matters.
- The Spirit gives us what we need to endure well.
Long-suffering is not meaningless waiting. It is deeply sanctifying. It changes you, if you walk through it WITH the Lord, you will never be the same. It may cause the deepest agony and pain today, but it will change you in ways you will one day have gratefulness for. This isn’t being glad for the tragedy, but it is being glad for seeing how the Lord worked in you.
It is sacred refinement in the hands of a faithful God.
– Kenzi
